We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
