i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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