if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
