I just made out with a guy for $7.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
