Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
