I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
