There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
