Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize