dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
