the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
