I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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