So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
