someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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