Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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