I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
