Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
