I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
