I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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