with your own penis?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
