He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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