i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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