Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
