I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
