honey bunches of taint.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
