help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
