Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
