I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
