It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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