Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
