this just has baby written all over it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
