I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
