I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
