she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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