i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am one with the molecules
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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