Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
