It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
