bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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