they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the day after is always just damage control
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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