i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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