i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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