rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
