Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
