My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
