This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
