I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just cropdusted the office
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
