I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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