On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
