I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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