The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
