I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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