If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
