I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
