Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
