my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
