my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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