at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
