everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry about my life...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
